I love Yahtzee, but not in a weird way. So here is his quiz or something.
[link] 1. What is your Earth name, human? Naomi.
2. What is your full address?
[link]3. Phone number? You'd never call me anyway. )=
4. You do realise I now have enough information to stalk and kill you? I bet you do!
5. Where does your wife go shopping? Somewhere in Canada?
6. Where do your children play? With pedophiles.
7. Are there any conveniently located woodchippers or toolsheds nearby? Only a small kiddy pool.
8. Do you love your family? Not really.
9. Do you REALLY love them or are you just saying that? I happen to be resentful.
10. Do you come here often? Actually....no.
11. Have you ever had sex? no.
12. If yes, give an account, leaving no details to the imagination: 'Stck it in her and pee!' -via south park-
13. If no, explain why not: I use the internet.
14. Have you ever had gay sex? See above.
15. Would you like to do it again? See above the see above. D8
16. Ah, so you HAVE had gay sex? .......only a little
17. Have you ever been in a threesome? With Bert and Ernie.
18. If yes, do you consider yourself honest? Nope.
19. 'Cos I don't. I'm glad we see eye to eye.
20. Do you masturbate? Yup.
21. Fun, isn't it? Indeed.
22. Which of the following would you consider appropriate situations for masturbation:
- In bed, alone (x)
- In bed with a partner (x)
- In bed with a dog Only if you're a furry...so.. (x)
- Before sex (x)
- After sex (x)
- During sex (x)
- At your mother's wake (x)
23. Why are you filling out these questions? It beats actually working.
24. Seriously, don't you have anything better to do? I do, I'm just lazy.
25. Are you in a relationship with someone? No.
26. Bearing in mind that animals, minors and stalking victims don't count, are you in a relationship with someone? )=
27. Oh, and I'd also like to add 'fictional characters' to that list. You caught me out, I weep nao.
28. Do you feel lucky, punk? With boobs this small, I think not.
29. What's your favourite Monty Python film that isn't Life of Brian? Meaning of life.
30. What's your favourite song by Queen that isn't Bohemian Rhapsody? The one about Radios.
31. What's your favourite team sport that isn't football? Soccer.
32. Who's your favourite actor who was in Footloose and isn't Kevin Bacon? I've never see it, it seems like a ghey film.
33. Who's your favourite actress who was in Fight Club and isn't Helena Bonham Carter? I don't trust you anymore.
34. Do you prefer chalk or cheese? Chalk, much tastier.
35. Laurel or Hardy? Hardy, insert your own penis joke.
36. White or slightly off-white? Slighty off white, like the skin of a gawth.
37. Lice or doornails? Doornails. They are more practical.
38. Mangoes or licorice? Mangoes. I throw them at chimps.
39. Nostrils or the Serengeti Plain? There's a joke about running like a chettah in there somewhere, and I won't lower you to it.
40. Do you want to die, Sidney? Only if my name was actually Sidney.
41. Have you ever been to prison? No.
42. If yes, were you the man or the bitch? The Bitch.
43. Oh, perhaps I should have asked this earlier: Are you male or female? Male.
44. Really? No.
45. Blimey. I know right?
46. What's your ultimate sexual fantasy? It involves shredding a few copies of fruits basket and a kinder egg toy.
47. Did you really think I wanted to know that, you freak? You asked.
48. Is the cup half full or half empty? Depends where the two girls are?
49. Who is your best friend? Not you, that's for sure.
50. Okay, who is your second best friend? ...........you.....
51. Do you have any friends at all? See answer 13.
52. Bearing in mind that animals, minors, stalking victims, fictional characters and inanimate objects don't count? I like turtles.
53. Did you know coming up with 100 questions is more difficult than it sounds? I've done moar.
54. Discuss the use of iambic pentameter in act 4, scene 1 of Othello, the Moor of Venice. I found it engaging.
55. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say "Yum, I love a nice tasty slice of hair pie"? I wish I did.
56. If yes, do you feel vaguely ashamed? I'm ashamed that I don't.
57. Do you consider yourself a smacktard? See answer 51
58. If no, why are you still answering these questions? see above.
59. What's your favourite book for use in self-defense? The Koran.
60. Does he look like a bitch? See answer 42.
61. Then why did you fuck him like a bitch, Brian? This is getting paradoxical.
62. Did your dad ever do that thing where he walks to the bathroom completely nude hoping no-one will see him? I've done tha----NO.
63. Did it freak you out as much as it did me? )= .....yes.
64. List all your pets. Biggles, Milo, Dusty, Rocky, depression, self hatered, teabags.
65. I know this may be painful, but list all the dead ones, too. My feeling of self worth.
66. How did they die? Too much cocaine.
67. Ha ha! What stupid creatures. I know. )=
68. What's your favourite comic by Alan Moore called Watchmen? League of Extordinary Gents was also nifty.
69. Really? I never read V for Vendetta....
70. Mine too! I forgot what the original question was.
71. Do you admire Justin Timberlake...
... For his musical ability?
... For his reputedly enormous willy? (x)
... For the ease with which he lights on fire? (X)
72. Have you ever met a ghost? Yes.
73. Have you ever communicated with a ghost? No, I find them stand offish and judgemental.
74. Have you ever played Scrabble with a ghost? No, I have poor spelling.
76. Would you like to reconsider your answer to question 57? See answer 57.
77. Have you ever taken drugs? Paracetamol.
78. Have you ever sold drugs? Do you want some?
79. Could I have a price list? Just rob a chemist.
80. Do you think I'm attractive? Only your voice.
81. My mum does. Liar.
82. Have you ever dressed like a woman? I am a woman.
83. C'mon, you can tell me. I have boobs and everything.
84. Everyone has at some point. No penis.
85. Ha ha! I lied! TRANNY! See answer 81.
86. Apologies if you're a girl, by the way. Accepted.
87. When was the last time you said 'I love you'? While slaughtering my prey.
88. When was the last time you said it to something other than a TV screen? )= Do computer screens count?
89. My programmer taught me a song. Would you like to hear it? God is bad at writing songs. I mean.....psalms, ew.
90. Would you eat poo if I gave you a fiver? ...
91. Tenner? ...
92. Would you eat poo if I gave you fifty quid and a sweetie? ...How much poo are we talking here?
93. Explain your answer. I like money.
94. Hello, is it me you're looking for? Not if you're gonna make me eat poo.
95. Who sent you this quiz? You did, indirectly.
96. Do you find this person attractive? See answer 80.
97. Would you want to have sex with this person? I might consider it.
98. You do know they'll probably read this? I doubt it.
99. Er... Yeah
100. That's it. Awkward.
hdhjdf
Insecure
